Micro-Change
I, oh so often, witness people coming into therapy hoping beyond desire that the results will be quick, efficient and immediate. Sometimes they are–it usually depends on the individual client’s engagement and readiness for change. However, more often than not, it takes some time. Our world continually demands that we show up and perform, preferably performing well. You have started and stopped? Uck. Side step those and get to the GOAL as soon as possible. Starts are good, stops are bad, and the process in the middle is ignored or avoided entirely.
The human condition is not this directed and is more nuanced in its lived experience. This happens for a lot of reasons. Our brains, as we have discussed in previous blog posts, like and feel most comfortable, when the expected occurs, even if it's painful. Western society demands a product, rather than appreciating the process. I also recognize that I myself, am only speaking from a lived Westernized approach having grown up and lived entirely within the United States. This process has the potential to look very different for other cultures, norms and systems. Other cultures and cultural norms may very well be more attuned to the need for process versus product. I anticipate that those cultures may also have decreased mental health concerns. These cultures/cultural norms may put a higher value on the importance of micro-change, versus macro change. Micro-change, when we allow ourselves to slow down, ultimately is more effective and long lasting because development occurs not only on a cognitive, but a cellular level. Micro-change allows for increased time and reflection, self evaluation and integration rather than the pressured demand of immediate macro-results.
How does all this relate within the therapeutic experience? There are a few factors I’ve found in counseling and therapy that are most beneficial for engaging change for the majority of us, to whom change is just…pardon my language…DAMN HARD, because we have not been taught how to embrace micro-change or micro-steps. So, let’s take a few minutes to explore a few cognitive and somatic shifts we can consider as we move forward in making MICRO-Changes.
Change happens by slowing down. Perhaps this initially seems counter productive, but effective change means building new neural pathways in our brains and bodies. This is considered micro. The simple definition of micro is small. Macro is big. Building new neural pathways in our brains is micro, and once change is accomplished, we see and feel the change on a macro level (we see the change happening). So the next time you feel frustrated that change isn’t happening immediately, remember you are building a new little highway in your brain. Building highways is a lot of work. It involves planning, measuring, evaluating, preparation, construction and eventually-you have a whole new road. I often describe this as considering your usual behavioral and emotional patterns being like a car on cruise control on the highway. You are rolling along at a good clip, no real traffic, cruise control feels great. All of the sudden, you realize you really need to get off the highway for… (insert any reason here). But there is no off ramp, no rest stop, and for some reason, you are the one responsible for building and putting all these parts into place so that you can exit the highway. First thing you have to do is figure out how to slow the car down, and then work on building your off ramp. Your brain is naturally going to fight this. It’s going to be a lot of work. But in the end-it’s worth it because you can now have a choice of when and where you need to get off the highway.
Slowing down requires body management and body awareness. Let’s try a quick experiment together. Without putting any thought behind it, cross your arms. Now, notice which arm is on top, and which is on bottom. Most of us can cross our arms automatically. Now, uncross your arms and move them back to your side. We are going to try this again. This time, try to cross your arms with your OPPOSITE arm on top. Well? What did you notice? Most likely pretty difficult. Now, for the next few minutes, keep uncrossing and re-crossing your arms in this new way. Over time, your body is going to build more comfort and ease, until you can do this without putting a whole lot of thought into it. You have now created a new muscle memory. If you keep practicing over time, you will end up an ambidextrous arm crosser. Try putting emotional health change into this same perspective. It will take time, and repetition, but the change will become more comfortable.
Consider a goal that you would like to work towards. You may have an idea of what life will be like once you reach that goal, but it also can feel vague. The vagueness is what frequently trips us up when we desire to move forward in changing. If we put this into a movement sequence, we may start with an authentic movement principle of first noticing our internal sensations, and then rather than wondering where that sensation will take us, we simply move with the sensation and finally discover an entire sequence of movement. We have changed. A finger tap may become an arm gesture. The arm gesture may pull us across the room. Our bodies have changed, our movement quality has changed, and our actual location within the space has changed- simply because we trusted the authenticity of the moment. This is where the majority of the work is within therapy and counseling. It is learning to tune in to the slight micro-changes that then eventually move us into a new space entirely. It is the connection and trust in the process, rather than the defining “ah-ha” moment of arrival. “Ah-Ha!” moments are lovely, but the bulk of the work is what occurs prior to the “AH-HA!” Moment.
Micro-change also challenges us to allow ourselves to be a full part of our current environments. Sometimes this means taking a deep and hard analysis of the benefits or negatives of our environments. We deeply listen to how our bodies are responding to the people, places and things we are engaged in. It can be difficult internal feedback to recognize that we are not feeling supported in our environments and need to take a risk to begin to explore alternative points of being, engaging or doing. What is the new energy that you will need to build for yourself to create the courage to move towards shifting these environments for yourself? This is a process where we require space for reflection, mindfulness and meditation, which ultimately demands that we create space to slow down and find safe quiet time for ourselves.
So, what can you do to start to develop comfort with micro-change in your life?
Create a visual for yourself and post it somewhere you can look at regularly of a visualization, such as the creation of a highway off-ramp or of you blazing a new trail path. Look at this representation often and ask yourself, “what is the next small step this journey needs from me?” One step, one task at a time.
Challenge yourself to try doing regular routines a little differently. Start getting your body used to the creation of change as not a threat, but a safe experience. Try putting the opposite leg you usually do into your pants in the morning. Try brushing your teeth with your non-dominant hand. Try coloring or drawing with your non-dominant hand. Repeat something new for a minute or two daily.
Journal about a time that it took you a while to achieve a goal. Rather than focusing on journaling about the goal, reflect on all the steps you took to achieve that goal. What helped support you? Who helped you along the way? Where do you anticipate you would end up, and where did you actually end up? Why was where you ended up the right place for you, even if you were not anticipating that is what would occur?
After engaging with people around you, doing an activity or completing a task, take a few minutes to meditate on the following questions:
What felt good about this experience?
What inside of me didn’t feel good about this experience?
If a good friend were with me, what would their observations be?
Did my body note any moment of discomfort, and if so, how did it try to cope, or warn me? Is the warning necessary, or is the warning based in fear of change?
What could I consider for the next time I see this person, do this activity or go to this place that would match my values, feelings and body needs?
