Instead of a New You, How About an ALL of You?
Many people put a lot of emphasis on making large and grandiose New Years Resolutions. We pick apart all of our flaws and imagine the “perfect” being we “could” be.
My first job in high school was working for the front desk of a local YMCA. I was tasked with checking in members, selling gym memberships, answering phones, ensuring the tidiness of the building and greeting members and/or problem solving as needed. I worked at the front desk of the YMCA for 3 years, and saw the recurring cycle of individuals coming in at the start of the year. In fact, it was so busy every year that we would often have to have two to three people manning the desk at one time, which was usually a 1 person job. The gym would be packed, people invigorated by the start of new years resolutions and goals. And without fail, around 3 weeks in those numbers started to drop. By February 1st we were back to almost baseline attendance and the new faces significantly slowed down.
So, rather than making extravagant personal demands on ourselves this year that may only last a few weeks, what if we reframed the urge of change from “New You” to "Acknowledging and loving ALL of You?” Instead of searching for the “more” to add to ourselves, we learn to appreciate and value the core part of ourselves, exploring and connecting with the beauty of ourselves that may not have been recognized before, or that we have even hidden from ourselves for many years.
Parts of ourselves can have trouble building our own self-confidence. For instance, we may know that it is within our ability to most likely accomplish a result, but anxiety, fear, depression or negative self-talk can influence our bodies to avoid or shrink away from those possibilities. We have to work to gently support our bodies and mind in building tolerance that change is possible. Let’s break this down a bit further…
We first build awareness of how our bodies respond to the concept of change. Do we notice an internal movement towards, or away from within our bodies? Does our chest gently expand, or shrink away? Do our throats constrict, or feel breezy and open?
If you are already experiencing sensations of openness, curiosity and intrigue, try some of the exercises below to lean more into the concept of change:
Sit quietly, and gently close your eyes. Bring into your mind the concept of growth that you are desiring. Allow your body’s open sensations to arise in connection to the growth. Move your body in a way that feels like it is gently leaning into those open sensations. Perhaps you touch your throat as it feels open and clear, or gently sway your torso. Allow your body to inhabit the gentle sensations of forward motion. You may find yourself desiring to get up and walk around your space, marveling at objects as if it is the first time you have seen them, or perhaps you continue to sit in a meditative state, allowing the ease of your breath so swell inside of you, shining a light into your heart and mind.
Reflect after how your body is guiding you along a journey of change. Perhaps journal your goals and hopes from this open position.
If you are one of the lucky ones, you can skip over this next part. If you are anything like me however, and change makes your heart beat faster and the self doubts crowd your mind, this is the part to pay attention to. As a wise friend recently reminded me, our bodies fight change because they are used to the status quo. My own body can buck under the pressure and fear of change, it can say mean things to itself, it can doubt success even if success is entirely possible.
If you are anything like me, your body also struggles to change initially. Change is terrifying. It challenges us to accept all parts of ourselves, the fear, the possibility of success and the entire landscape in between. We don’t get to change just by doing one singular thing. It takes time, support and endurance. It takes grace to acknowledge …hope.
So, from my heart to yours, here are some exercises and considerations to practice if fear is what you notice when you consider the disruptive bravery of change.
We need a community to build change. Notice where in your life you can spend time cultivating connection. For those in rural towns, try exploring your local library for books, movies or music that inspires you. Community comes in many forms, including blogs (like this one!), podcasts, movies, music and social connections. Look for where others are building personal confidence. What inspires you? What do you notice in your body as this inspiration occurs?
As you notice the inspiration and courageous bravery of confidence, practice emulating this in your own body. Stand, with your feet firmly planted on the ground. Imagine yourself grounded through your feet through visualizations of roots or cords that connect you to the earth. Envision your torso, arms and head growing up and outward, reaching beyond what you even thought yourself capable of. Breath into this stretch. Notice the points of expansion.
Practice journaling and reflecting about where those points of expansion could take you. Even if it means taking risks, could the anxiety actually be excitement just being hidden by those silly minute “what-ifs?”
So before you reach for the credit card to sign up for the gym membership, before you start making physical, emotional or cognitive demands that will overwhelm you in a week, ask yourself how you are already, and can continue to, show up for yourself. Perhaps it is in leaving something behind that is no longer serving you and taking the ultimate risk of saying goodbye. Perhaps it is leaning into a new possibility of creativity. Perhaps it is starting a new relationship. Or maybe it is simply to spend more time embracing ALL of you. All of your extraordinary and original talents, needs, desires and feelings. YOU are worth whatever change you lean into. YOU are capable of both mistakes and successes. YOU have the ability to feel proud…of YOU.
