The Monsters Inside of Us
We all have these little monsters inside of us. Sometimes I envision them like the classic “A Little Golden Book” series children’s book “The Monster at the end of this Book: Starring Lovable, Furry Old Grover” by Jon Stone, Illustrated by Michael Smollin. For those of you who have not read this book, (it is one of my favorites and thus one of the first books I purchased for my nephew when he was born), details Grover as he is frightened of a “monster” that is reported to be at the end of the book. Grover begs you to not continue to flip the pages, and engages in all kinds of humorous solutions to try to prevent you from flipping the page. His anxiety is palpable as each page is flipped, until finally you get to the last page, and the only creature featured…is actually himself. The monster was just made up, just cute and fuzzy and friendly Grover. Not something scary at all. All that hard effort he put into preventing us from turning the pages didn’t need to happen after all.
Sometimes our inner monsters are simply ourselves fearing for the unknown, assuming and (inaccurately) predicting that the worst case scenario will occur, so we put a lot of effort into avoidance instead of peeking around to see what is on the next page.
Our inner monsters get bigger and bigger the more avoidance we put into it, starting to eat us up alive. We have tendencies to become recluses in our misery, fearing if we even speak about the monster it will make it into being true. Our isolation deepens and we may withdraw from social interaction.
I recently read a great book though, that had the following quote that truly spoke to the importance of not isolating ourselves with our inner monsters:
“When people shine a light on their monster, we find out how similar most of our monsters are. The secrecy, the obfuscation, the fact that these monsters can only be hinted at, gives us the sense that they must be very bad indeed. But when people let their monsters out for a little onstage interview, it turns out that we’ve all done or thought the same things, that this is our lot, our condition. We don’t end up with a brand on our forehead. Instead, we compare notes” (Anne Lamott, pg. 184).
I see this occur regularly in both individual and group therapies. People become amazed that as they bravely share feelings, memories, trauma and grief, that these feelings do not make them bad. They are not alone, and the monster they thought was at the end of the book actually didn’t hurt them at all. The first time someone speaks about trauma or grief, it can be an uncomfortable process, but with gentle support and encouragement, the words become less intensive, more regulated and settled within the body, mind and spirit.
It takes a lot of bravery to speak our truths, our pain and our fears. But the evidence shows that this bravery is the first step we can take in healing. It is also important to find places in our lives where we can create a safe space to allow ourselves to be imperfectly expressive in order to practice these skills. When we share these thoughts and feelings with others, such as in a group, it is remarkable how many times people are surprised to see that others have experienced similar fears, thoughts or worries. Connection happens through the bravery of truth.
I will be starting a weekly self-care group, Sunday’s 6-7:30pm. While this will not be a therapeutic group, it will be modeled to provide participants with a safe and supported space to allow for our imperfections. Although it can be scary to take steps to decrease our own self isolation, as Grover has taught us, taking the first step into scary or unknown situations is oftentimes not as scary as initially anticipated. This group will provide participants a way to connect creatively and expressively to build personal and collective support, build self care practices and give an opportunity to not be alone with our monsters. This is the draw of self care, taking the time to pause, use our creative brains, and find gentle connections with others.
Each week I will be offering a new activity for the group, and will be giving a teaser the week before. If you are interested, you can sign up for a single group or multiple groups. This self-care group is open to all those within the United States, and will be provided via Zoom, 6-7:30pm EST. Sign up on my website at movewithmountains.com/appointments
Resources:
Lamott, A. (1994). Bird by bird: Some instructions on writing and life. Anchor Books.
Stone, J., & Smollin, M. J. (2019). The monster at the end of this book. Scholastic Australia.
